somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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