We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just blew my weed a kiss
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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