So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
