She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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