I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
