Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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