its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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