i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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