i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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