I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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