I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
