you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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