Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
