You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
