Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize