I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
