You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize