I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
