Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
