We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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