No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
