Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
