I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
