In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you had me at cake vodka
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
