Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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