There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're breaking my sexual little heart
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
