I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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