if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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