Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
