If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
