Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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