What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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