Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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