I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
