Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
