this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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