It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
