Pants 0. Shit 1.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm both gender and math confused
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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