he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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