She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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