fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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