wrigley field is MILF paradise
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
