"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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