He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
