the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
