So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
