Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
