my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
