sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
