he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
