I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
