if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
