She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
