you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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