I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
