that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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