i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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