I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
