She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
