Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
