my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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