My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
