She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
