Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
