butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
