i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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