dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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