Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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