you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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