How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
