everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
