My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
