I skipped work to stalk him.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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