I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
