I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
