you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
