worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Drake has all the answers
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
