Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
