I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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