I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
