Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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