You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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