Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
